A rambling we shall go

Live from my hole in the wall office, it's thursday night! My lips are currently on fire from shoveling Chili-Lime cashews into mouth like I didn't just eat a massive dinner. Seriously though, go buy those bad boys from Aldi's right now and thank me later. They give my tummy all the heart eyes. Also, slow clap for Aldi's. That place has singlehandedly changed my grocery budget and diet. Because of that playce this girl is now eating clean (about 90% of my week).

It's beennn a lonnnnnnnng, loonggg time coming since I've randomly blogged an absurd amount of words. Read: ramble with no purpose but to ramble. My blogging nowadays consists of waiting until the end of the month to dump all my iphone photos onto my computer then back dating my blog posts so they will show up in the right time for my archives. I think back to when I just had C and I had all the time in the world to blog consistently. And I thought I was so busy then, how cute. My free time (the 3 hours the kiddos nap) goes by so quickly. I usually spend that time cleaning, editing photos, doing my quiet time, redoing a piece of furniture (don't even get me started on this topic. I. hate. redoing. furniture.) or weaving. Weeks will got by and I'll randomly remember this blog. I swore I would never get to this point. That I would always be diligent with blogging and documenting our days. hahahahaha. I really hope to get back to that, but this just isn't that season I suppose. It honestly comes down to having too much on my plate that doesn't need to be on my plate. I'm a creative person by nature. I love creating things, doing projects, crafting etc. If I like something I see made, I'll just figure out how to do it and make it before buying it (unless it involves sewing, because no). Mainly because our budget doesn't allow me to buy the endless things I love (and I'm glad it doesn't) but mostly because I just like making stuff. So, all of that making stuff has taken over my time blogging stuff. What I need to do is make up a calendar or schedule. So like on Monday spend an hour of my kiddos nap time editing, then Tuesdays make, Wednesday edit, thursday make, etc, etc, etc . My gosh, why on earth am I writing this. Sorry to whoever is reading this (side look at you husband). I know you totally care to be reading about my creative schedule or there lack of. I don't even know where I'm going with this.

moving on.

Adoption. Shirts came in TODAY for our second round of orders. We hope to get them in the mail on monday. I'm still in shock we raised 4k selling our grizzly shirts. Feels soooo good to be able to give that over to our agency and be only 3k away from our full amount. Jesus is powerful. I've been singing "there is power, power wonder working power in the blood of the Lamb. There is power, power, wonder working power in the precious blood of the lamb" over and over the last few days. I'm so easy to forget some times the power of the God. He loves to move big. To do big. To show us His power. I've been singing that old hymn over a friend's adoption journey asking the Lord to reveal His power to them. To move "mountains" of paper work quickly so they can get their daughter home. Selling as many shirts as we did was such a testament to His power in all things- big or small. We serve such a mighty God who intimately cares for us and wants to bless us with good things. It's mind-blowing, His love.
So, June is here. our original goal was to have all paper work and our profile book done by the end of the month so we could have our homestudy update and be active on the waiting list, but I'm not sure that's going to happen. A sweet friend asked me about our adoption today and I was so hesitant to answer. I'm beyond ready to have this little one home and in my arms. Yet, I have a strong peace from the Lord to take things slow and rest in His timing. IT KILLS me to think that my son (or daughter, but at this point we feel another boy is in our future. We could easily be wrong. And I'd love love love another girl, but for the sake of my typing sanity and not having to say he/she/him/her a million times, I'm just going to use the male pronoun for now) could be in interim care right now and I'm missing out on him. But I have to trust in the Lord's sovereignty. Maybe it's somehow best for him to be with that family. Maybe the Lord is using Him in their lives for His good. Bethany (our agency) only allows the best of the best to be interim parents. The process to become one is quite extensive. So, I know he is with a good, Godly, loving family. But it's still so hard. That could easily not be our situation and he is still in the womb. And if that's the case, it kills me that I don't know his birth momma yet and that she's still unsure of who to choose. Or maybe she's not even with Bethany yet and feeling quite alone. ugh. So much hardness. So hard to explain it all and it make sense. My sweet friend who texted me today asking about our process is also in the process of adoption via foster care. I was so thankful that she totally knew and understood what I was trying to say. All of this sounds so confusing, I'm sure. And I don't expect anyone to understand it unless they've gone through the adoption process as well. It's all the preggo hormones and feelings without the certainty of feeling the baby or knowing when he will arrive. I'm just so thankful I have such a peace from the Lord that right now, we are exactly where we are supposed to be. Taking it one day at a time and trusting in him. Praying if it's the Lord's will, that this baby will be home to us by the end of the year or atleast a birth mom pick us by then.

moving on.

I recently finished a study of the Fruits of the Spirit and I learned this.... I hold none of them.


I literally posses none of those things by nature. My nature is to be sinful, selfish, prideful. I think we often strive to have those fruits on our own, but they are always twisted back to self. The fruits of the Spirit are just that- Fruits of the SPIRIT. They are and come from the Holy Spirit living inside us. We bear that fruit when we are grafted to the True Vine- Jesus. The Holy Spirit is the producer of the fruit, we the branches simply display His goodness and fruit. All love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, kindness and self-control in my life are an overflowing out pour of the Holy spirit abiding in me. I've been memorizing Galatians 5:22-23. Some of those fruits come easier to me than others, but I truly long for Christ to be the shining light in all I do or say or how I come across. I know this is like Vacation Bible School material, but I read that verse in a whole new light the past few weeks. I love when I read a verse I've known or read a million times before, but the Lord uses it differently than before. His word is so sweet, refreshing, and true.

Less of me. More of Him.

End of this ramble. Phew, that felt good to just sit and type. Bed time, future self reading this because I'm pretty sure that's the only person reading this sad state of a blog, oh and husband, sometimes. bed time.


Susan Delk said...

Love the random post :) thanks for being such an encouragement :) adoption is such a crazy ride! Still crazy for me to think that last year as we were taking pictures for our adoption announcement my baby girl had just been born :) Ha it's wayyyyy way more fun to look back on and see all the steps that God used to mold and shape you/bring you to them, than it is to go through the process though! Ha along with hearing all in God's timing. It is, of course, but definitely doesn't make things easier in the mean time. Ha but perhaps that's my learning to be less selfish. Praying for you in this time :) Love your paragraph at the end as well. I so find myself striving to improve in those areas and failing. I tend to forget that without God in my life, I am nothing...so the imperativeness (wow guess that is a word) of focusing on that relationship first and foremost :)

Anonymous said...

I've been quietly following your blog/insta since C was just a baby (maybe even before he was born?) and have been meaning to comment for a while now. I don't know how I stumbled upon your blog, but I am always happy to see when there's a new post from you. The Lord has often used your words on motherhood to encourage me, and I just wanted to say thanks! I love how truthful and genuine your voice is both here and on instagram :)