^Right after we had our fingerprints taken in March.
I can't believe how much I've fallen behind in blogging. I'm currently posting and back dating blog posts from almost 7 months ago. It got a little out of hand. Then it just became way too overwhelming, and I almost gave up on this little blog. Abe's monthly updates are what kept this little blog hanging in there. This blog (how many more times can I say the word "blog") has always been a scrap book for me. It's where I keep our life documented for my kids to one day have and remind them of sweet memories we shared. I really don't think I can ever let it go, atleast not for now. So thank you Abe for being born and keeping this blog going. I mean, thanks for being born for many reasons, but obviously this little blog is the true purpose of your birth. (read: that is sarcasm)
I've kept my instagram pretty updated. It's like blogging on speed. It's so quick and easy to post and all my images are shared on my Chatbooks app which then automatically prints them into a book. 21st century, man. But, my kids LOVE the chatbooks and IG is so easy to post to that I often post big updates there, and then completely forget about this little corner of the web. So with that all being said and goodness that was a little bit much, we've changed our adoption route!
Way back when, like ages ago, like yesteryear and then some, we started this adoption journey. You can read all about it if you like at the tab above appropriately titled "adoption journey". 6 years we've been in the adoption process through an agency. We were on waiting lists and then paused and then waiting and then a failed match and then paused again. All the while the Lord was slowly changing and convicting our hearts on Foster Care. We weren't opposed to it by any means, but we really just thought it would be something we pursued once our kids were older and grown. Right before we were matched with our birthmother, Josh and I had a very spur the moment conversation in the back yard of a friend's home right after we had helped them move in. He approached me about ending our time at the agency and pursuing fostering. Unbeknownst to him, I had been praying over fostering for months. I kept wanting to tell him my heart had changed, but I wanted the Lord to do the same work in his heart as He was doing in mine. So for months, I just prayed and waited on the Lord. Then on that humid sticky day, after he had just moved a massive table to their backyard, he sat me down and purposed this idea. I couldn't help but laugh and tell him all that had transpired in my heart the past few months. We decided right there that we would pursue fostering. Well, a month later, we were matched with our birthmom and learned we were pregnant all on the same morning. I was confused why the Lord did all that work on us and had lead us to fostering, but we moved forward with the adoption. Sadly but in the Lord's will, our birthmom decided to parent, and then we were paused with our agency because of my pregnancy with Abe. When he turned 6 months old, it was a no brainer that we would pursue fostering. It was very bittersweet to say goodbye to the agency we had been with for so long and invested so much money in. Walking away would mean losing thousands of dollars we fundraised and paid for. THAT WAS HARD. But still, the Lord told us fostering. We know he had us at the agency so we could meet that birthmom and forever pray over her. I still think of her often. We know He can use those funds we invested to help other families adopting through them and cover hospital bills for their birthmoms. It's extremely humbling to let go and trust in the Lord when other people personally invested in your adoption. But still we trust.
^During our weekend long training sessions.
So, the day before Josh's birthday, on the 27th of February 2018, I emailed the state and applied to be foster parents. Four days later on March 3rd, we met our social worker and had our orientation. Three days after, that we had our fingerprints and background checks completed. Then at the end of March, we completed all of our training over a weekend. We started our homestudy in April and used that month to make some needed improvements to Abe's room so that we could set up another crib in there. We completed our homestudy late May and received our activation email June 5th!
And now, the real waiting begins. We are foster/foster to adopt parents. We can't wait for this journey to start. I feel like we are standing at the front of massive stone floodgates knowing that at any second they are going to burst open and flood our lives with all sorts of terrifying goodness and heartache and happiness and trusting in the Lord like never before. It's weird to be standing on this side of the gates knowing what's coming and then also not knowing at all. Like Michael Scott infamously states, "And I knew exactly what to do but in a much more real sense I had no idea what to do". That is the mantra of my life right now haha.
I've shared more details on our fostering journey and how to become a foster parent on a highlight reel on my IG. It's located on my profile. If you're are curious about the steps taken to become a foster parent, you can learn more there.
Novel completed. I guess that's what I get for waiting months to update. You're a real tropper if you hung in there and read that in its entirety. I won't be sharing much detail of our foster kubs journeys publicly. Simply because their story is not mine to tell, but I will share court dates and such to rally for prayer. Please join us in praying for our future kubs and their birth families. Our desire is to love on those birthparents as much as possible.
We are so excited to announce that a third Kubler Kub is headed our way!!!!! Due May 5th! (but if he/she is anything like my last pregnancy, he/she will be here in late April). We are so thrilled that the Lord graciously blessed us with another pregnancy. We are so undeserving of the grace He pours out on us, and we CAN'T WAIT to snuggle this new babe. We find out the gender in December just in time for a Christmas surprise. I am currently 14 weeks and really hoping these first trimester symptoms disappear quickly, but really I can't complain. Never been so thankful for the nausea and exhaustion.
C and W are so thrilled. They ask me daily to look at pictures of the baby on different pregnancy apps to see how the baby is growing. Sweet W is so ready to have a baby and we CAN'T WAIT to see her as a big sister.
Are we still adopting? Yes, we are. We have until I reach 20 weeks, and then we are paused with our agency. However, we could adopt outside of our agency since our homestudy is active until August 2017. We would just need to somehow be connected to a birthmom, but we know the Lord is able if He wills it. We found out about this pregnancy the same day we found out about our previous match. We were overwhelmed with excitement to learn about two babies on the same day. Sadly, our adoption match failed. One child simply does not replace another, so grieving that failed match was really really hard. We've been waiting over 3 years for a match and this child. We are MORE than ready to welcome the baby and the birthmomma into our family. But the Lord in His grace gave us a reason to dance during our season of mourning. His timing in letting us learn about the pregnancy was perfect. Goodness, we serve a good father! We are praying for a miracle and a match before we turn 20 weeks. I would love two small babies so close together (Bc secretly I wish we were having twins. I've always wanted multiples. I know, I know, Craziness:)
We found ourselves in this exact same situation when we learned we were pregnant with W. She came right in the middle of us trying to adopt and we were eventually put on pause until she hit 6 months old. Looking back now, I obviously wouldn't change a thing. I can't imagine life without her. She's been the best little thing to happen to Josh, Me, and C. So, I'm so thankful for the Lord's sovereignty with this pregnancy. He knew this baby was needed and He has a plan and a purpose for his/her life and we feel so blessed and undeserving of this precious gift. We know He is still calling us to adopt, and that this 3 years of waiting and pausing is all ordained by Him and has a purpose. But, Please join us in praying that by His grace alone, this adoption would still happen. It's hard to imagine pausing it again and continuing the waiting. Waiting is hard, hard, hard. But we know one day, all the no's and all the waiting will be worth it when He allows our adoption to come to completion. If it doesn't happen by Christmas, we know that Jesus is still good and enough for us. Because at the end of the day, Jesus is our desire. Our prize. We want to desire Him about all else. Above all other wants and prayers. Above this adoption. Above everything, We want more Jesus. He is only, ever good. We trust and rest in that.
Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
just to take Him at His word
Just to rest upon His promise,
Just to know, "thus saith the Lord!"
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er
We were matched early last month. 3 years of waiting and it had finally officially happend.
I took those two photos the day we met our birthmom and were officially chosen. The first right before we met her, and the second one when we got home. We had just gotten home and W fell asleep in the car. I snuggled her in our bed and just cried with thankfulness that we were matched. The month of september went by extremely slow. I wanted to do so much prepping, but I held back just in case things didn't work out. I think this was the Lord protecting me from buying and preparing because our birthmoms due date came and went and no news. She hadn't reached out to our agency so we took this as a no. A couple weeks late we got the official word that she had decided to parent. Of course, we were devastated. I went very numb towards our adoption afterwards. I understood this was all the Lord's will and sovereignty, but I just couldn't let our adoption occupy my thoughts. I was confused and just broken. It was a sweet month of crying out to the Lord and depending on Him for joy and rest. I'm so thankful for the way the Lord drew me to himself and poured out such grace on me. He gave me constant reminders of his goodness, faithfulness, and love. There is so so so so soSOOOOOOOO much I have learned throughout this adoption journey spanning three years. One day I'm going to write it all out for my own memory. But goodness, it's made me fall more in love with Christ. Jesus, you are only ever good.
SO back to waiting we go. As much as he has called us to adoption, he has called us to this season of waiting. And I'm thankful for it. It's given me more of himself, and that is our greatest desire. Him. Him alone.
I will forever be thankful to have met this momma and prayed for her and her daughter. I love them both and pray rich blessings upon them. Thank you Lord for letting me met her. She is a beauty and one of the bravest women I've ever met.
Updated our profile book when we our homestudy was updated in August. I've been wanting to share it, but we mailed both straight to our agency. I stopped by the other day at the offices and took pics of it real quick. This may be my favorite of our THREE profile books. I never ever thought I would have made this many haha, but the Lord is good. Praying heavily that this book leads us to our birthmom.
I used photoshop to create the pages and then uploaded them to Blurb. If you aren't familiar with photoshop or illustrator, blurb has a free software to help you create the pages. I also am so impressed with the quality of the books once printed.
WEEEEE ARRREEEE MATTTCHHEDDDD!!!!!!!!! AND THIS IS HOW WE FEEL ABOUT IT!!
WE ARE OVER THE MOON EXCITED!!!!!
This match has been a longggggggg time coming. We've been in this adoption process for three years now, and can't believe that it's finally happening!!!!!! We are just in complete SHOCK!!!
We got THE call last Friday the 2nd at 4:07pm. I'll never ever forget it. The Lord's timing in all of this just blows us away. Last Monday and Tuesday we were really struggling with what the Lord wanted us to do. We knew our home study update was Thursday morning and we had to make a decision if we were going to continue with our adoption through our agency or pursue another route. We begged the Lord for a clear direction and wisdom. Wednesday, I received an email from a complete stranger who told us she felt the Lord leading her to cover our home study update fee. WE WERE BLOWN AWAY! We knew it was completely from the Lord and we took it as our clarity to move forward with updating our homestudy with our agency. Thursday morning, our social worker came over to update our homestudy. During her visit, she told us of a birthmom (BM) who was very interested in our profile book. Of course, we got excited over the news, but I didn't really think much would come of it because of all the nos we had gotten in the past. Well, Friday afternoon, I'm prepping our home for a shower I was throwing and right in the middle of putting up some decor my social worker texts me and says that the BM who is interested in us is at the office asking more questions about us. I told josh and just IMMEDIATELY started praying that by SOME MIRACLE she would want to meet us. Not 15 minutes later, my phone rings....
My social worker said "she's pretty much picked y'all, she just wants to meet Wednesday". WE WERE IN SHOCK!!!!! It was THE LONGEST WEEKEND OF MY LIFE. We told the news to some family and close friends so they could be praying. Wednesday finally rolls around and Josh and I just kept saying "is this real life????" The ride up there was quiet. We prayed and prayed and prayed.
Meeting her was the most surreal experience of my life. I just kept staring at her like a weirdo because I couldn't believe she was sitting there, choosing us. The meeting couldn't have gone any better. She is all things lovely, strong, beautiful, and courageous. We love her dearly! We left the meeting unsure if we were officially chosen until my social worker texts us confirming she did choose us and wanted to move forward with us!!!!!!!! AGAIN, IS THIS REAL LIFE!??????!!!!!!!!!!!
We rode home in just complete shock of what had just happened. WE ARE MATCHED!!!!!
This sweet baby is due September 30th!! Just a few weeks away!! We were cautious in sharing this news because nothing is official until papers are signed, but we wanted to share and celebrate the Lord moving! and ask for LOTS OF PRAYERRRRR!!!! please consider praying for us, our BM, and baby daily!!
-Please pray for our BM. She is an amazing woman who we love so much already! Please pray for her emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Pray she has an easy pregnancy these last few weeks and an easy and healthy delivery. Pray for peace for her and strength. Pray the Lord draws her to Himself and gives her great peace.
-Pray for the sweet baby! We don't know gender yet, but should find out soon. We won't share publicly until baby is born for privacy reasons. Please pray for health of this baby and safety during delivery.
-Please Pray for our BM's family. Pray they will be supportive and encouraging for the BM. We want her to feel as loved and encouraged as possible.
-Pray that the Lord would allow this adoption to come to completion. We are hopeful and excited and trusting in the Lord. He makes all things new. He is sovereign. And He is faithful. And even if this doesn't work out, HE IS STILL ENOUGH!
Goodness, I feel like I just word vomited all of that out. We are celebrating what the Lord has done and so thankful for how He works! SOLO DE GLORIA!
Well.
This post has been a long time coming. I've been putting it off like
the plague, but I think it's finally time to give an Adoption update.
You
guessed it. There really isn't one. We are STILL waiting to be matched
with a birthmother. We are at a ripe 8 months of waiting for that phone
call and the days keep coming. Going on 3 years of being in this
process.
There
have been several parts of this waiting season that I haven't shared
publicly because they've just been too hard or the timing didn't feel
right, but mainly because the Lord had so much sanctifying work to do in
my heart first. And if there is anything all this waiting has spurred
me on to do... it is to desire my Jesus and his sanctifying work in my
life above all else. It's taken me weeks to write this post. Mainly
because I don't feel "arrived" at all on any of the points I'll talk
about. Most of them were things I already knew but the Lord deepened my
understanding of them during these 8 months. And I'm not a writer. My
husband has a way with words and expressing himself through them that
I'll never posses. I just word vomit and ramble until the cows come
home. It's one of the reasons I've put off writing all of this because I
just worried I wouldn't do it justice. I wouldn't explain beautifully
enough how the Lord has worked. But He can and will still receive
praise through my elementary vocabulary and terribly put together
sentences (yes, I was an English teacher and I dooooo actually know how
to write complete and complex sentences, but this is my free place. I
don't worry about that here. obviously. I promise I am educated though
and my students were wildly successful in their testing. Grace. He gives
grace haha).
About
a week or two ago, we experienced our fourth failed possible match.
Four times we've come THIISSSSS close to being matched but for one
reason or the other, the Lord graciously shut the door. Yes, I said
graciously. These four experiences were in so many ways BRUTAL to walk
through. But with each one, the Lord drew me closer to Him, gave me more
of Himself, showed me His loving Grace, sanctified my heart, revealed
hidden sin in my heart, and reminded me of His sovereignty. To say it's
been a humbling walk is an understatement. Serious understatement.
In
random order, here are some things the Lord has taught me or deepened
my understanding of through all the waiting and all the nos: (again, I
feel inadequate to speak on some of these things because he is STILL
teaching them to me. Some days I have victory over them and some days I
really struggle with this waiting. But over and over again the Lord has
proven faithful to give me just enough grace to get through each day)
1. The "No's" were a blessing.
With the first two situations, I didn't really see it that way. I was
hurt, I was mad, frustrated, and just ready to know this birth mama,
love on her, and meet her child. I was ready to have this baby in our
home. The Lord called us to this and giving us two No's seemed so cruel.
They happened within about a week of each other this past Novemeber and
one of the situations was us having to actually tell a birthmother No. I
won't get into the specifics because honestly, I don't need to justify
our reasons for us telling a birthmother no. The Lord showed us CLEARLY
that it was His plan for us and He had another Godly family in mind for
this momma. Goodness I NEVER EVER EVER EVER thought when we started this
process that I would tell a BM no. It was so incredibly painful and
confusing. Why had the Lord allowed it? And right after a failed
possibility days before. It was so hard. SO HARD. My Husband- the
insanely Godly man that he is- spoke so much grace and truth into my
life during those days. About a week or so after, the Lord began to show
me all the ways these two "No's" were a blessing and His will. He
confirmed things in my heart that I needed confirming. He revealed sin
that I needed to repent of. And He lovingly showed me that He heard my
cries and my prayers and that He was with me.
"He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together" Col 1:17
He
gave me this verse during that hell of a week. And I clung to its sweet
truth. These No's were a blessing because they gave me more of Jesus.
He is before every No. They were not a shock to Him. He allowed them for
His glory and my good. He would hold me together. He would hold this
adoption together because He holds ALL things together. I could let go
and trust in His plan. With the next two No's I saw them as blessings
before they were confirmed No's. With the initial phone calls, I told
the Lord, no matter the outcome, He is good. He is faithful. and I want
whatever will give me more of Him. I asked Him to reveal more of Himself
to me and to let my eyes be wide open to see what it is He wanted to
teach me. They ended up, of course, being no. And it was still very hard
having another possibility fall through, but with these two no's it was
also very sweet. Because I could sense His presence so so strongly. I
could see how He was working and because I laid down my own desires, I
could see what the Lord wanted to teach me through them so much more
clearly. I am thankful for these No's and all the No's to come in the
future (although I pray 5 is the magic number and a big FAT YES) because
I know that they will lead me closer to my Savior. That my relationship
with Him will be that much stronger and more ugly, sinful pieces of me
will fall off through his sanctifying work.
For All the Promises of God find their Yes in Him. 2 Cor 1:20
My
Yes, forever and always, is Jesus. "Beneath the unpredictability of our
hoping and waiting, there is the certainty that come what may, all our
hopes are ultimately fulfilled in Christ" I don't have the words
eloquently enough to describe the weight and depth of that verse and
quote. I just encourage you to meditate on them. Memorize them. and the
let the Lord bring you FREEDOM through them.
2. Waiting is a calling and grace from the Lord. I
can look back over the last 8 months of waiting and see how the Lord
has changed me as a person, drawn me closer to Him, and done sanctifying
work in my life.
"In
calling us to wait, God is freeing us from the claustrophobic confines
of our own little kingdoms of one and drawing us into a greater
allegiance to his kingdom of glory and grace. Waiting is more than being
patient as situations and other people change. Waiting is about
understanding that you and I desperately need to change, and that
waiting is a powerful tool of personal change. God is using the grace of
waiting to change us at the causal core of our personhood: the heart"
I
could go on and on about this topic, but instead I found these two
articles that articulate everything the Lord has personally shown me. I
wish I would have found them at month 1, but I can see now that the Lord
needed me to learn the hard way for His glory. As I was preparing to
write this I struggled with how to say everything I wanted to say. So I
thought "hmmm, I bet there is an article out there somewhere that will
do a better job, because I KNOW I'm not the only one that has dealt with
this." And of course, there was. This article and this article hit the nail on the head.
3. Community is VITAL.
Good Grief, I really could talk about this allllllll day. I would say I
had great community with believers before we started this journey
again. I feel so incredibly thankful the Lord placed us at our church
and called us to plant it. He has blown me away with His grace and the
community that has been built through Redeemer Baptist. But the enemy is
cunning. And when you enter into a new waiting season, he likes to feed
lies that you are alone. (and let me preface all this with saying that
my husband is first and foremost my biggest source of encouragement. And
I'm incredibly thankful for that. He is such a blessing from the Lord
and so patient to hear me out and quick to point me to Christ. I knew
though that it was biblical and needed for me to have close friends that
I could do the same with. Sure, I had a couple friends who were also
adopting, but both were international so then enemy would feed me lies
that they didn't really understand what I was walking through. And OF
COURSE my friends who had never adopted couldn't be an encouragement to
me. They would never understand what I was facing and struggling with.
Ugh, it sickens me how deceiving Satan can be. I prayed that the Lord
would send me friends that would understand what I was walking through
and he QUICKLY showed me that he already had. My friends, no matter if
they were adopting or not, could be some of the encouragement I needed,
BUT only if I let them (and a good handful of them were already
committed to praying for me and serving me. I just didn't see it as the
encouragement that it was because I was so bent with finding someone who
would exactly understand what I was going through. When in reality,
that will only ever be Jesus). I had to open up. I had to throw away the
excuse that they wouldn't understand and I had to be vulnerable with
them. I learned the best way to do this, was to simply care for them and
pray over their burdens. I started diligently praying over their
burdens more than I prayed for my own. I became emotionally, physically,
spiritually, and mentally invested in their lives, burdens, and prayers
to the point that my burdens became back burners to theirs. This wasn't
something I did or came up with on my own. This was deep conviction
from the Lord (through His word and through how some of my friends were
already living it out) that I was too self absorbed in my own issues and
world. My own "bubble". If I wanted encouragement and prayers from
friends, I needed to first be that for them. I needed to serve them in
prayer and in any practical ways that would bless them. I can't say
enough what a blessing it has been to walk hard roads with some of my
dearest friends. It's been excruciating at times seeing them so burdened
and desperate for the Lord to move, but when I saw those prayers
answered and promises fulfilled, it was massively encouraging to me that
the Lord would, in His timing, do the same for me. I learned a lot
about what true friendship and community in Christ looked like through
these friends. So many of them do a way better job and loving me than I
do for them. Community is hard. You HAVE to work for it. You must
befriend people who are different than you or in different seasons of
life than you are in. You can't just sit back and wait for it to come to
you (although I'm extremely thankful for the friends who first pursued
me and showed me what community looked like). You must daily text
people, check in on them weekly, ask them for coffee, bring them dinner,
drop off surprise treats, pray for them (and really commit to praying
for them, not just saying that you will) and then tell them you're
praying, and truly put them first. Find ways they like to be served and
serve them in those ways (and obviously your husband should be a
priority in this). With each possible match we agreed we'd only ask "our
people" to pray over it. I wanted to keep it as private as possible
until we had been matched. But as I started thinking of all the people
who were walking this road with us and texting us daily and praying over
us and checking in on us and truly carrying this burden, I realized we
were well over 40 people. People TRULY committed to this journey with
us. There are so many more that I know have been praying, but these are
the few that have been in the trenches with us, checked in on us often,
and allowed me to be sinful in front of them and vent over my struggles
and then graciously pointed me to Christ. These last 8 months of
community have been some of the sweetest of my entire life. So much
grace has been poured out over me through these family and friends and
I'm forever grateful for how they listen and serve my family and
consistently point me to Christ. I still have so much growing to do in
this area. I know there are more people for me to love and serve. There
are people I need to love and serve better. This is an area of my life
that I know the Lord will work on in my life for my whole life. We can
always do a better job at loving others. Friend, if you aren't involved
in a local church. Please find one that preaches the Word, lives out the
gospel, loves people, and cultivates community. If you are unsure of
where to go in your area, this LINK is
a great resource. And if you are a part of one, dive in harder. Love
more. Serve more. Ask the Lord to show you ways you can better be His
hands and feet to the brothers and sisters you gather with. Phew, I told
you I could talk all day about this.
4. PRAY BOLDLY. This
goes a little hand in hand with what I just talked about but I felt it
needed it's own little section. While cultivating this deep community,
the Lord taught me the importance of praying boldly over these people,
their burdens and prayer requests, and my own.
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. Heb 10:23
The
Lord is ever faithful. He can't not be faithful. He proved it a
thousand times over in the Old Testament and then again, with finality,
with Christ's death. It is His character. He WAS and IS and WILL BE
forever faithful. So what is there to fear? There is no room for fear.
His faithfulness is too great. Right before Christmas, the Lord
convicted me over my prayer life. I prayed daily and often but I lacked a
deep, bold prayer life. I didn't pray expectantly of the Lord to move. I
knew that He could but I often doubted that He would. I didn't pray
with urgency. Over time, He radically transformed my prayer life and
showed me the importance of praying boldly, with expectancy, with
urgency, with passion, and humbly. Praying boldly can mean several
different things, but one of the main things for me was letting go of
that fear behind my prayers. The fear that the Lord wouldn't answer or
that he wouldn't complete what he called us to. It takes daily
repentance on my part and memorization of scripture to fight off those
sinful fears. I'll never ever forget the month of February 2016, though.
It was a month that I fiercely prayed over for 6 dear friends. They
were each walking hard roads with big prayer requests that seemed to be
impossible. I prayed without fear over them and I prayed expectantly
that the Lord would answer them by the end of the month. One by one, He
answered in miraculous ways, NOT because of anything I said or did, but
out of His grace and to give himself glory. I know they were huge
blessings to my friends, but honestly they blessed me so much as well
because of what the Lord was teaching me about prayer. Just getting to
be apart of His will for their lives brought me great joy. The last one
wasn't answered until March, though. And through that the Lord reminded
me that His timing is perfect. And I can pray big, expectant prayers and
when the answer is No, I still get Jesus and He is still good and the
giver of good gifts. Because my prayers are most importantly about
drawing me closer to Christ and Him alone receiving the glory. Once
again, I feel like I'm not doing this topic justice. This articleand This article help further express what I'm trying to say.
5. Scripture and the Word are oxygen to our soul. Memorizing
scripture is crucial in our walks with the Lord. It's how we learn more
about Him, how we keep ourselves grounded, how we fight off the enemy,
how we encourage others, and how we bring Glory to God. I love repeating
scripture back to the Lord and to myself. Scripture is the BEST tool. I
write them on my hands, in my prayer journal, on sticky notes, on index
cards, on my fridge, as my iphone screen saver, and I repeat them to
friends.
I've already listed some of the verses that the Lord has given me during this wait. Here are a few more:
Romans 12:12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. - This is how I want to spend this waiting season.
Romans 5:3-5
3 We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience.4 And patience produces character, and character produces hope.5 And
this hope will never disappoint us, because God has poured out his love
to fill our hearts. He gave us his love through the Holy Spirit, whom
God has given to us.
2 Cor 12:9
But
he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made
perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my
weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. -
On the hard days when I feel I'm failing, I can boast in my weakness,
because Christ is strong in me. His power and strength can carry me and
pull me closer to Him. My weakness reminds me that by His grace alone
can I make it through each day. And it's okay to have hard days because
they lead me to repentance. They lead me to Christ.
Prov 31:25
She
is clothed in strength and dignity, and She laughs without fear of the
future. -This is who I want to be. The type of woman I want to be. I
want to be strong in Christ. I want to laugh at any fears that may fill
my head. Christ is sovereign and in control, what do I have to be
fearful of?
Psalm 118:24
this
is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.- This
day of waiting, every day of waiting is on purpose. It is ordained by
God. So while I may not want it to be another day of waiting, I can be
joyful in it. He's made this day for His glory. Him alone be praised!!
Isaiah 43:19
Behold,
I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I
will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.-
I don't want to be so consumed in my own waiting season that I miss out
on what the Lord is doing in other's lives or in other areas of my own
life. I want my eyes to be wide open to all He has to show me and teach
me.
Goodness,
this was a doosy of a post. I've really wanted to document it all for
quite some time now, but the Lord just keeps peeling back these layers
of my sinful flesh and teaching me new things about him. I feel like I
didn't do some of these justice, but I think that's okay. Because I know
what He's taught me and how He's used this waiting season to
drastically change me. My hopes in sharing this is to encourage anyone
out there struggling in their own waiting season. CLING TO JESUS. RUN TO
HIM. READ HIS WORD. SEEK GOSPEL COMMUNITY. MEMORIZE SCRIPTURE. MAKE
MUCH OF JESUS. And moment by moment surrender your ways to Him. We will
never "arrive" in these areas. There is always more to learn and more to
repent of. In this waiting season, ask the Lord to open your eyes to
what he has to show/teach you. Praise Him for each day of waiting.
Choose Joy. If Christ is in you, you have the joy, strength, and hope to
make it through each day. Make each day about Him, giving Him glory,
and serving others. Pop your "bubble" and love others well. He has
called you to this waiting for a purpose. He will be faithful to carry
you through.
Thank
you to my husband and friends who have been such Godly examples to me.
Who have been so incredibly patient and understanding and loved me so
well. Who have pointed me to Christ when my sin showed it's ugly face.
Who have let me vent and voice my struggles. Who haven't judged me, but
listened and loved me well. Who have prayed endlessly over our adoption
and even set alarms to remind them to pray multiple times a day. Who
have texted me scripture and written out prayers. You have all been the
hands and feet of Christ to me and the Lord has used you all to reveal
more of Himself to me. I'm forever grateful.
Ways you can be praying for us:
-Continued contentment in this waiting season
-our
future birthmom. Please pray more for her than me. The struggles I have
COMPARE NOTHING to what she is walking through. Pray protection over
her and the baby. Pray for a smooth pregnancy and delivery. Confidence
and Peace in her decision of adoption. Pray the Lord blesses her for her
strength and bravery. Pray that Josh and I are able to love her well,
point her to Christ, minister to her, champion her, encourage and
support her in all the ways that will be most helpful to her. Pray for
her salvation if she doesn't already know the Lord. Pray she would be
willing to have an open adoption.
-the
birthfather. Basically all the same things I listed above. We pray that
he will want to be apart of the child's life as well and for his
salvation.
-that
our adoption would happen before August. Come August we will face a
pretty big crossroads. Our homestudy will expire and we will lose our
$4,000 grant. We will be able to reapply for this grant but we may not
receive that same amount. We are desperately praying for a placement by
then so we do not lose this money and have to go back through all the
steps for our homestudy a third time.
-Pray
for the Cole family and the Fortenberry family. These are two other
families that are friends of ours and are currently adopting as well.
Pray placements for them before the end of the summer too!
-Pray for Aldridge family who fly out next week to bring their daughter home from the Congo.
-Pray for the May family who are pursuing adoption through Foster Care.
And I leave you with a song that I have been singing daily.
It's been a while since I've done a proper Adoption update. I'm currently cuddled up on the couch with my clingy, teething Willow girl, so I'm typing all this on my phone which is fun (hint: sarcasm haha). Putting her down isn't an option, and I'm honestly okay with that. She won't want these cuddles one day so I'm soaking them up.
Our adoption update is that well, there is none. We are waiting on a Birth mom to pick us. Our agency currently isn't working with many birth mommas for various reasons, but we trust in His perfect timing.
In case you missed it, OUR ADOPTION IS FULLY FUNDED with our agency!!! We are so overwhelmed by this. I never ever thought we would raise all the funds for adoption before a placement. On days of discouragement, I can look back on all he's done in our journey and be assured that he is working and faithful.
I thought I would mention here that just because we are working with an agency doesn't mean our placement has to come from them. Our birth mom could easily be connected to us through other avenues. Like friends, family, or even social media. I recently had a friend tell me that they were informed of a baby needing a home but didn't think the baby could be placed with us bc he was in Tennessee. We actually can be placed with a child in any state bc we have an active home study. So I thought I would mention that if anyone reading knows of a situation were a baby needs to be placed with a family or a birth mom is considering adoption but doesn't have a family picked, to remember us:) my prayer is that no matter how the placement happens, whether through our agency or outside of that, that the Lord alone would be glorified and His will be done.
I've clung lately to Colossians 1:17. "He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together". He is before our adoption. He knows the outcome, time of placement, the amount of hairs on the baby's head, and the joys and struggles we will face. He knows already. He alone holds our adoption journey together. We won't be placed a second sooner than He wills. I've found so so much freedom and assurance from this verse. It's been my sanity lately and something I repeat to myself at least 10 times a day.
When we first went active again in Sept/Oct of last year my constant prayer and plea was for the Lord to work in our adoption. At the time I meant that the Lord would allow our adoption to happen quickly and be drawing the Birth mom to our agency and then to us. For weeks when nothing happened, I took it as the Lord just wasn't working. What he began showing me was that he was indeed working for our adoption- he was working in me. Over the last 4-5 months of waiting that Lord has done a tremendous work in my heart and life. I won't go into detail of it all here, but he has been steadily refining, molding, and changing me into more of an image of him. It's been a really really sweet past few months of being in his word daily and trusting in him. I can so clearly see now one reason why the adoption hasn't happened yet, and that was because there was work to be done in my heart and life.
Most days the waiting comes easy. I can easily focus on Christ and the here and now. My sweet husband, my outgoing 3 year old, and my, very much still a baby, 1 year old. I'm loving this time as a family of four. It's been so sweet and I'm so thankful. But I'd be lying if I said days or moments of discouragement didn't come. If you aren't adopting or been through the process it's hard to understand. So please just be gracious when reading this. Knowing I have a child out there somewhere but not knowing when I will meet him/her is hard. It just is. I desperately want to know and be loving on our birth mom. With domestic adoption, there really is no timeline when things will happen. It's simply waiting on the Lord. We have no control. I repeat Col 1:17 over and over in my head on those days and ask the Lord to help me keep my focus on him and him alone. To help me be faithful in the waiting and content in where he has me and our family now. I beg for his strength to help me overcome my selfish desires of wanting it to happen on my time and I ask Him to show me ways that I can love and encourage others in their seasons of waiting.
I'm so thankful to be in this waiting period. Of course I want or adoption to happen sooner than later, but this season has been so sweet and the Lord has used it to draw me closer to him. And at the end of the day, more than I desire our adoption to be completed, I want and desire Christ. He HAS to be my focus. I have to want him more than anything else or those things become idols in my life. More of Jesus. Less of me. Less of everything else. Just give me Jesus.
Well, here we go again! We are so so so sooooo close to having our adoption completely paid for! We thought we would end the fundraising with a bang and do one last tshirt sale!
(for reference on fit, I'm wearing all smalls)
For those of you who are new here, here's a quick timeline for our domestic adoption.
-started the adoption process in May of 2013
-home-study completed and on waiting list in Oct 2013
-learned we were pregnant Feb 2014 with Willow
-our agency put our adoption on hold in May 2014 so we could have bonding time with W
-W born in October of 2014
-our agency allows us to go back active in April 2015, but we waited on a Yes from the Lord.
-after much prayer on timing, paperwork, mandatory doctor visits, and our homestudy updated, we were officially put back on the waiting list in August 2015.
-we are now waiting for a birth mother to choose us!
Phew! That was a super brief update. If you'd like to read more in detail visit the tab at the top of my blog titled "our adoption journey".
Okay, back to shirts!
If you'd like to purchase one, GO HERE!!!! Vnecks are $23. Baseball tees are $28.
These shirts are for pre-order only. The DEADLINE FOR PURCHASE IS DECEMBER 4th at 12 noon. Once I order them, it should take the shirts about a week and a half or so to arrive to me, then I will IMMEDIATELY mail them out to you!
It is very likely the shirts will arrive to you just in time for Christmas, should you buy one as a gift.
Each shirt is incredibly soft and fit true to size. The baseball tees are white shirts with black arms (they are grey in the photos above due to a mishap I made with my printer, if you would like it with grey sleeves instead, just let me know through email at katie.kubler@yahoo.com)
The white and gold "Seize the Day" shirt is NOT FOIL LETTERING! The gold font is not shiny but it does have flecks of gold in the font. So it does give off some glimmer. It is much more durable in the wash, unlike foil lettering which easily tarnishes.
Shirts should not shrink much, if at all, in the wash.
Please help us spread the word and share this post! THANK YOU!!!!
If you had told me 2 years ago that I would have to make not only one adoption profile book, but two, I would have told you no thank you. But MAN, I am so thankful the Lord knew better and interrupted our adoption process to bless us with Willow. But now that we are in the process again, a new updated book needed to be made.
I started working on this book in June. I spent hours going through our thousands of pictures to hand pick my absolute favorite or ones that really told our story. I had one goal in mind: TO MAKE IT US. I wanted it to be real, simple, authentic, clean and genuine to us. I worked on this book during nap times, in the late hours of night, in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep, and even rose early some mornings to squeeze in some time while everyone else rested. With each page made, I prayed over our Birth mom and her child. More than not, this will be the first thing she reads about us. The first pictures she will see, and from it alone, she may choose us to be her forever family for her child. Soooo, you know, just a tad daunting to make. I really liked our last book. But when I started to brainstorm designs for this book, I noticed several ways to improve on it.
1. Our photo on the front. Last time around, I wanted our book to really stand out among the rest. This time around, you guessed it, I wanted it to be more us. Pictures of us being silly with our kids, because that's real life.
2. WAYYY MOREEE PICTURES!! There was way way too much text in our last book. I really wanted the pictures to tell the story in this second book.
3. Clean and Simple. So many books that I've seen are cluttered and overwhelming. I wanted ours to be easy on the eyes but still hold all the information our Birth Mom would need to know upon being introduced to us. I used some of the same layouts or ideas as our last book, but I just tried to improve upon them. There wasn't much I could salvage from the last book since we had so much to update, but whatever I could use, I reused to help save time.
And without further ado... Our Adoption Profile Book.
Josh's page was written by me and vice versa
This page wasn't in our last book. To be honest, I contemplated over and over about adding this page in. I really wasn't sure if it was needed or not. And, I was scared that it might work against us. What if the BM doesn't like that we like something or our response turns her away? Obviously, I decided to keep it in the book and just trust the Lord. I pray it will help her feel even more connected to us and allow her a better look into our lives. It's hard to tell in this photo, but there are 19 questions on the left followed by Josh's response in blue and mine in pink.
I made parts of this book with Photoshop and the other part using BLURB software. I also ordered through BLURB. I used them last time and was just really impressed with the quality and how easy it was to create it using their software. I highly recommend them! I ordered three books total. Two are required by our agency, and I wanted one to have at home for our kids and future adopted child to read through. I included this on the post with our last book but thought I would re-share it here:
If you are an adoptive family viewing this for tips and tricks, here are my few suggestions:
-Start on this sucker weeks in advance. Trust me. You'll need it.
-Photos, Photos, Photos!!! Choose photos that tell a story! Professional photos are great, but don't make them the majority. Pull out those grainy, but candid iphone photos that capture you kid at bedtime, or being silly, or going down a slide. I pulled so many of my IG photos for this!
-More images than text. Your BM will most likely go through so many books she will be exhausted of reading. Give her images that tell the story.
-Use a design that really reflects your family verses just cute vector images or scrap book looks.
-Keep the book 20 pages or less. you don't want to overwhelm.
-Keep it crisp & use layouts. Collages of images can work, but make sure their is a theme to them.
-Use simple sentences and words. Keep it at a basic reading level.
-Don't use cookie cutter text. You can't tell, but we really let our
personalities shine through our text, Josh joked around a lot, and I
wrote like I was talking to her in person.
-Use relevant photos. Showing images of years passed could be confusing
to the birth mother. Let them see what your life is like NOW.
If you have any further questions, feel free to email me! My info is on my contact page.
The Kubler domestic adoption is still very much under way. I realized it's been a while since I updated my blog with where we are in the process. I keep other social media outlets updated but this ole blog got the shaft on accident.
We are OFFICIALLY on the waiting list again!!!!!! Physicals are done. Paperwork is done. Profile book is done (and ordered). Home study is done and done and done!!!!!! I'm so thankful. So thankful!
It's crazy to think that two years ago, almost at this same exact time, we were being approved the first time around. To celebrate our homestudy being complete last week, we recreated a pic we took the first time around:
I'm just so in awe of the Lord's timing. I constantly think back to two years ago when all of this was new and fresh. I so desperately wanted to be placed with a child asap. I thought about it daily and it often consumed my thoughts. Every phone call had me on edge hoping it was our social worker. and the three times our profile book was viewed by a birth mother, I was lost in the nerves and anxiety. I was so ready to add to our family and to be honest, I struggled with it being an idol in my life. So many friends were getting pregnant and I had just miscarried. I was begging Jesus to multiply our crew through adoption. But he knew so much better. He gave us Willow. In fact, just days after writing a blog post and crying to some friends about how I was just so ready for our next baby to come home, I found out I was pregnant. And Jesus in his grace reminded me that I can not control this adoption journey or my life. Man, I'm just so thankful for his provision. I couldn't imagine life without my Willow girl. She is my constant reminder of his goodness and seriously the most perfect addition to our family. So this time around, I'm finding myself so much more calm and trusting in His will and plan. I don't want to constantly think about the future and what ifs. I want to be in the present, loving on the two beautiful babies I have and soaking up time as a family of four. I don't want this adoption to rule my thoughts or give me anxiety. I want to rest in His provision and meditate on his Word. I'm so thankful for how the Lord has orchestrated this adoption journey. I can't wait to see how it will unfold this time around. Maybe we will have a baby by christmas, maybe we will have one by next christmas, or maybe we will be pregnant and have to put the adoption on hold again. I don't want to wish one way or the other. I just want to want His will more than my own. I know our adoption will happen in His timing. I know our future adoptions or fostering or whatever He calls us to will happen in his timing. I just want to be found faithful in the waiting and always having my "yes" on the table.
So here's to the waiting. May we be found faithful in it. Would you pray for us and more importantly for our birth parents? We are praying for an open adoption and a great relationship with both the birth mother and birth father.
And here's a small sneak peek of what's happening inside our profile book. Our agency will receive their copy this week (it was rushed) and we should get our copy by the end of the month. So excited to share this labor of love.
and just to be real, my son is currently taping my entire body with scotch tape and I'm letting him because it gave me 5 minutes to type this up. Amen.
(for reference on fit, I'm wearing all smalls)
