We are so excited to announce that a third Kubler Kub is headed our way!!!!! Due May 5th! (but if he/she is anything like my last pregnancy, he/she will be here in late April). We are so thrilled that the Lord graciously blessed us with another pregnancy. We are so undeserving of the grace He pours out on us, and we CAN'T WAIT to snuggle this new babe. We find out the gender in December just in time for a Christmas surprise. I am currently 14 weeks and really hoping these first trimester symptoms disappear quickly, but really I can't complain. Never been so thankful for the nausea and exhaustion.
C and W are so thrilled. They ask me daily to look at pictures of the baby on different pregnancy apps to see how the baby is growing. Sweet W is so ready to have a baby and we CAN'T WAIT to see her as a big sister.
Are we still adopting? Yes, we are. We have until I reach 20 weeks, and then we are paused with our agency. However, we could adopt outside of our agency since our homestudy is active until August 2017. We would just need to somehow be connected to a birthmom, but we know the Lord is able if He wills it. We found out about this pregnancy the same day we found out about our previous match. We were overwhelmed with excitement to learn about two babies on the same day. Sadly, our adoption match failed. One child simply does not replace another, so grieving that failed match was really really hard. We've been waiting over 3 years for a match and this child. We are MORE than ready to welcome the baby and the birthmomma into our family. But the Lord in His grace gave us a reason to dance during our season of mourning. His timing in letting us learn about the pregnancy was perfect. Goodness, we serve a good father! We are praying for a miracle and a match before we turn 20 weeks. I would love two small babies so close together (Bc secretly I wish we were having twins. I've always wanted multiples. I know, I know, Craziness:)
We found ourselves in this exact same situation when we learned we were pregnant with W. She came right in the middle of us trying to adopt and we were eventually put on pause until she hit 6 months old. Looking back now, I obviously wouldn't change a thing. I can't imagine life without her. She's been the best little thing to happen to Josh, Me, and C. So, I'm so thankful for the Lord's sovereignty with this pregnancy. He knew this baby was needed and He has a plan and a purpose for his/her life and we feel so blessed and undeserving of this precious gift. We know He is still calling us to adopt, and that this 3 years of waiting and pausing is all ordained by Him and has a purpose. But, Please join us in praying that by His grace alone, this adoption would still happen. It's hard to imagine pausing it again and continuing the waiting. Waiting is hard, hard, hard. But we know one day, all the no's and all the waiting will be worth it when He allows our adoption to come to completion. If it doesn't happen by Christmas, we know that Jesus is still good and enough for us. Because at the end of the day, Jesus is our desire. Our prize. We want to desire Him about all else. Above all other wants and prayers. Above this adoption. Above everything, We want more Jesus. He is only, ever good. We trust and rest in that.
Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
just to take Him at His word
Just to rest upon His promise,
Just to know, "thus saith the Lord!"
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er
Well.
This post has been a long time coming. I've been putting it off like
the plague, but I think it's finally time to give an Adoption update.
You
guessed it. There really isn't one. We are STILL waiting to be matched
with a birthmother. We are at a ripe 8 months of waiting for that phone
call and the days keep coming. Going on 3 years of being in this
process.
There
have been several parts of this waiting season that I haven't shared
publicly because they've just been too hard or the timing didn't feel
right, but mainly because the Lord had so much sanctifying work to do in
my heart first. And if there is anything all this waiting has spurred
me on to do... it is to desire my Jesus and his sanctifying work in my
life above all else. It's taken me weeks to write this post. Mainly
because I don't feel "arrived" at all on any of the points I'll talk
about. Most of them were things I already knew but the Lord deepened my
understanding of them during these 8 months. And I'm not a writer. My
husband has a way with words and expressing himself through them that
I'll never posses. I just word vomit and ramble until the cows come
home. It's one of the reasons I've put off writing all of this because I
just worried I wouldn't do it justice. I wouldn't explain beautifully
enough how the Lord has worked. But He can and will still receive
praise through my elementary vocabulary and terribly put together
sentences (yes, I was an English teacher and I dooooo actually know how
to write complete and complex sentences, but this is my free place. I
don't worry about that here. obviously. I promise I am educated though
and my students were wildly successful in their testing. Grace. He gives
grace haha).
About
a week or two ago, we experienced our fourth failed possible match.
Four times we've come THIISSSSS close to being matched but for one
reason or the other, the Lord graciously shut the door. Yes, I said
graciously. These four experiences were in so many ways BRUTAL to walk
through. But with each one, the Lord drew me closer to Him, gave me more
of Himself, showed me His loving Grace, sanctified my heart, revealed
hidden sin in my heart, and reminded me of His sovereignty. To say it's
been a humbling walk is an understatement. Serious understatement.
In
random order, here are some things the Lord has taught me or deepened
my understanding of through all the waiting and all the nos: (again, I
feel inadequate to speak on some of these things because he is STILL
teaching them to me. Some days I have victory over them and some days I
really struggle with this waiting. But over and over again the Lord has
proven faithful to give me just enough grace to get through each day)
1. The "No's" were a blessing.
With the first two situations, I didn't really see it that way. I was
hurt, I was mad, frustrated, and just ready to know this birth mama,
love on her, and meet her child. I was ready to have this baby in our
home. The Lord called us to this and giving us two No's seemed so cruel.
They happened within about a week of each other this past Novemeber and
one of the situations was us having to actually tell a birthmother No. I
won't get into the specifics because honestly, I don't need to justify
our reasons for us telling a birthmother no. The Lord showed us CLEARLY
that it was His plan for us and He had another Godly family in mind for
this momma. Goodness I NEVER EVER EVER EVER thought when we started this
process that I would tell a BM no. It was so incredibly painful and
confusing. Why had the Lord allowed it? And right after a failed
possibility days before. It was so hard. SO HARD. My Husband- the
insanely Godly man that he is- spoke so much grace and truth into my
life during those days. About a week or so after, the Lord began to show
me all the ways these two "No's" were a blessing and His will. He
confirmed things in my heart that I needed confirming. He revealed sin
that I needed to repent of. And He lovingly showed me that He heard my
cries and my prayers and that He was with me.
"He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together" Col 1:17
He
gave me this verse during that hell of a week. And I clung to its sweet
truth. These No's were a blessing because they gave me more of Jesus.
He is before every No. They were not a shock to Him. He allowed them for
His glory and my good. He would hold me together. He would hold this
adoption together because He holds ALL things together. I could let go
and trust in His plan. With the next two No's I saw them as blessings
before they were confirmed No's. With the initial phone calls, I told
the Lord, no matter the outcome, He is good. He is faithful. and I want
whatever will give me more of Him. I asked Him to reveal more of Himself
to me and to let my eyes be wide open to see what it is He wanted to
teach me. They ended up, of course, being no. And it was still very hard
having another possibility fall through, but with these two no's it was
also very sweet. Because I could sense His presence so so strongly. I
could see how He was working and because I laid down my own desires, I
could see what the Lord wanted to teach me through them so much more
clearly. I am thankful for these No's and all the No's to come in the
future (although I pray 5 is the magic number and a big FAT YES) because
I know that they will lead me closer to my Savior. That my relationship
with Him will be that much stronger and more ugly, sinful pieces of me
will fall off through his sanctifying work.
For All the Promises of God find their Yes in Him. 2 Cor 1:20
My
Yes, forever and always, is Jesus. "Beneath the unpredictability of our
hoping and waiting, there is the certainty that come what may, all our
hopes are ultimately fulfilled in Christ" I don't have the words
eloquently enough to describe the weight and depth of that verse and
quote. I just encourage you to meditate on them. Memorize them. and the
let the Lord bring you FREEDOM through them.
2. Waiting is a calling and grace from the Lord. I
can look back over the last 8 months of waiting and see how the Lord
has changed me as a person, drawn me closer to Him, and done sanctifying
work in my life.
"In
calling us to wait, God is freeing us from the claustrophobic confines
of our own little kingdoms of one and drawing us into a greater
allegiance to his kingdom of glory and grace. Waiting is more than being
patient as situations and other people change. Waiting is about
understanding that you and I desperately need to change, and that
waiting is a powerful tool of personal change. God is using the grace of
waiting to change us at the causal core of our personhood: the heart"
I
could go on and on about this topic, but instead I found these two
articles that articulate everything the Lord has personally shown me. I
wish I would have found them at month 1, but I can see now that the Lord
needed me to learn the hard way for His glory. As I was preparing to
write this I struggled with how to say everything I wanted to say. So I
thought "hmmm, I bet there is an article out there somewhere that will
do a better job, because I KNOW I'm not the only one that has dealt with
this." And of course, there was. This article and this article hit the nail on the head.
3. Community is VITAL.
Good Grief, I really could talk about this allllllll day. I would say I
had great community with believers before we started this journey
again. I feel so incredibly thankful the Lord placed us at our church
and called us to plant it. He has blown me away with His grace and the
community that has been built through Redeemer Baptist. But the enemy is
cunning. And when you enter into a new waiting season, he likes to feed
lies that you are alone. (and let me preface all this with saying that
my husband is first and foremost my biggest source of encouragement. And
I'm incredibly thankful for that. He is such a blessing from the Lord
and so patient to hear me out and quick to point me to Christ. I knew
though that it was biblical and needed for me to have close friends that
I could do the same with. Sure, I had a couple friends who were also
adopting, but both were international so then enemy would feed me lies
that they didn't really understand what I was walking through. And OF
COURSE my friends who had never adopted couldn't be an encouragement to
me. They would never understand what I was facing and struggling with.
Ugh, it sickens me how deceiving Satan can be. I prayed that the Lord
would send me friends that would understand what I was walking through
and he QUICKLY showed me that he already had. My friends, no matter if
they were adopting or not, could be some of the encouragement I needed,
BUT only if I let them (and a good handful of them were already
committed to praying for me and serving me. I just didn't see it as the
encouragement that it was because I was so bent with finding someone who
would exactly understand what I was going through. When in reality,
that will only ever be Jesus). I had to open up. I had to throw away the
excuse that they wouldn't understand and I had to be vulnerable with
them. I learned the best way to do this, was to simply care for them and
pray over their burdens. I started diligently praying over their
burdens more than I prayed for my own. I became emotionally, physically,
spiritually, and mentally invested in their lives, burdens, and prayers
to the point that my burdens became back burners to theirs. This wasn't
something I did or came up with on my own. This was deep conviction
from the Lord (through His word and through how some of my friends were
already living it out) that I was too self absorbed in my own issues and
world. My own "bubble". If I wanted encouragement and prayers from
friends, I needed to first be that for them. I needed to serve them in
prayer and in any practical ways that would bless them. I can't say
enough what a blessing it has been to walk hard roads with some of my
dearest friends. It's been excruciating at times seeing them so burdened
and desperate for the Lord to move, but when I saw those prayers
answered and promises fulfilled, it was massively encouraging to me that
the Lord would, in His timing, do the same for me. I learned a lot
about what true friendship and community in Christ looked like through
these friends. So many of them do a way better job and loving me than I
do for them. Community is hard. You HAVE to work for it. You must
befriend people who are different than you or in different seasons of
life than you are in. You can't just sit back and wait for it to come to
you (although I'm extremely thankful for the friends who first pursued
me and showed me what community looked like). You must daily text
people, check in on them weekly, ask them for coffee, bring them dinner,
drop off surprise treats, pray for them (and really commit to praying
for them, not just saying that you will) and then tell them you're
praying, and truly put them first. Find ways they like to be served and
serve them in those ways (and obviously your husband should be a
priority in this). With each possible match we agreed we'd only ask "our
people" to pray over it. I wanted to keep it as private as possible
until we had been matched. But as I started thinking of all the people
who were walking this road with us and texting us daily and praying over
us and checking in on us and truly carrying this burden, I realized we
were well over 40 people. People TRULY committed to this journey with
us. There are so many more that I know have been praying, but these are
the few that have been in the trenches with us, checked in on us often,
and allowed me to be sinful in front of them and vent over my struggles
and then graciously pointed me to Christ. These last 8 months of
community have been some of the sweetest of my entire life. So much
grace has been poured out over me through these family and friends and
I'm forever grateful for how they listen and serve my family and
consistently point me to Christ. I still have so much growing to do in
this area. I know there are more people for me to love and serve. There
are people I need to love and serve better. This is an area of my life
that I know the Lord will work on in my life for my whole life. We can
always do a better job at loving others. Friend, if you aren't involved
in a local church. Please find one that preaches the Word, lives out the
gospel, loves people, and cultivates community. If you are unsure of
where to go in your area, this LINK is
a great resource. And if you are a part of one, dive in harder. Love
more. Serve more. Ask the Lord to show you ways you can better be His
hands and feet to the brothers and sisters you gather with. Phew, I told
you I could talk all day about this.
4. PRAY BOLDLY. This
goes a little hand in hand with what I just talked about but I felt it
needed it's own little section. While cultivating this deep community,
the Lord taught me the importance of praying boldly over these people,
their burdens and prayer requests, and my own.
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. Heb 10:23
The
Lord is ever faithful. He can't not be faithful. He proved it a
thousand times over in the Old Testament and then again, with finality,
with Christ's death. It is His character. He WAS and IS and WILL BE
forever faithful. So what is there to fear? There is no room for fear.
His faithfulness is too great. Right before Christmas, the Lord
convicted me over my prayer life. I prayed daily and often but I lacked a
deep, bold prayer life. I didn't pray expectantly of the Lord to move. I
knew that He could but I often doubted that He would. I didn't pray
with urgency. Over time, He radically transformed my prayer life and
showed me the importance of praying boldly, with expectancy, with
urgency, with passion, and humbly. Praying boldly can mean several
different things, but one of the main things for me was letting go of
that fear behind my prayers. The fear that the Lord wouldn't answer or
that he wouldn't complete what he called us to. It takes daily
repentance on my part and memorization of scripture to fight off those
sinful fears. I'll never ever forget the month of February 2016, though.
It was a month that I fiercely prayed over for 6 dear friends. They
were each walking hard roads with big prayer requests that seemed to be
impossible. I prayed without fear over them and I prayed expectantly
that the Lord would answer them by the end of the month. One by one, He
answered in miraculous ways, NOT because of anything I said or did, but
out of His grace and to give himself glory. I know they were huge
blessings to my friends, but honestly they blessed me so much as well
because of what the Lord was teaching me about prayer. Just getting to
be apart of His will for their lives brought me great joy. The last one
wasn't answered until March, though. And through that the Lord reminded
me that His timing is perfect. And I can pray big, expectant prayers and
when the answer is No, I still get Jesus and He is still good and the
giver of good gifts. Because my prayers are most importantly about
drawing me closer to Christ and Him alone receiving the glory. Once
again, I feel like I'm not doing this topic justice. This articleand This article help further express what I'm trying to say.
5. Scripture and the Word are oxygen to our soul. Memorizing
scripture is crucial in our walks with the Lord. It's how we learn more
about Him, how we keep ourselves grounded, how we fight off the enemy,
how we encourage others, and how we bring Glory to God. I love repeating
scripture back to the Lord and to myself. Scripture is the BEST tool. I
write them on my hands, in my prayer journal, on sticky notes, on index
cards, on my fridge, as my iphone screen saver, and I repeat them to
friends.
I've already listed some of the verses that the Lord has given me during this wait. Here are a few more:
Romans 12:12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. - This is how I want to spend this waiting season.
Romans 5:3-5
3 We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience.4 And patience produces character, and character produces hope.5 And
this hope will never disappoint us, because God has poured out his love
to fill our hearts. He gave us his love through the Holy Spirit, whom
God has given to us.
2 Cor 12:9
But
he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made
perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my
weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. -
On the hard days when I feel I'm failing, I can boast in my weakness,
because Christ is strong in me. His power and strength can carry me and
pull me closer to Him. My weakness reminds me that by His grace alone
can I make it through each day. And it's okay to have hard days because
they lead me to repentance. They lead me to Christ.
Prov 31:25
She
is clothed in strength and dignity, and She laughs without fear of the
future. -This is who I want to be. The type of woman I want to be. I
want to be strong in Christ. I want to laugh at any fears that may fill
my head. Christ is sovereign and in control, what do I have to be
fearful of?
Psalm 118:24
this
is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.- This
day of waiting, every day of waiting is on purpose. It is ordained by
God. So while I may not want it to be another day of waiting, I can be
joyful in it. He's made this day for His glory. Him alone be praised!!
Isaiah 43:19
Behold,
I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I
will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.-
I don't want to be so consumed in my own waiting season that I miss out
on what the Lord is doing in other's lives or in other areas of my own
life. I want my eyes to be wide open to all He has to show me and teach
me.
Goodness,
this was a doosy of a post. I've really wanted to document it all for
quite some time now, but the Lord just keeps peeling back these layers
of my sinful flesh and teaching me new things about him. I feel like I
didn't do some of these justice, but I think that's okay. Because I know
what He's taught me and how He's used this waiting season to
drastically change me. My hopes in sharing this is to encourage anyone
out there struggling in their own waiting season. CLING TO JESUS. RUN TO
HIM. READ HIS WORD. SEEK GOSPEL COMMUNITY. MEMORIZE SCRIPTURE. MAKE
MUCH OF JESUS. And moment by moment surrender your ways to Him. We will
never "arrive" in these areas. There is always more to learn and more to
repent of. In this waiting season, ask the Lord to open your eyes to
what he has to show/teach you. Praise Him for each day of waiting.
Choose Joy. If Christ is in you, you have the joy, strength, and hope to
make it through each day. Make each day about Him, giving Him glory,
and serving others. Pop your "bubble" and love others well. He has
called you to this waiting for a purpose. He will be faithful to carry
you through.
Thank
you to my husband and friends who have been such Godly examples to me.
Who have been so incredibly patient and understanding and loved me so
well. Who have pointed me to Christ when my sin showed it's ugly face.
Who have let me vent and voice my struggles. Who haven't judged me, but
listened and loved me well. Who have prayed endlessly over our adoption
and even set alarms to remind them to pray multiple times a day. Who
have texted me scripture and written out prayers. You have all been the
hands and feet of Christ to me and the Lord has used you all to reveal
more of Himself to me. I'm forever grateful.
Ways you can be praying for us:
-Continued contentment in this waiting season
-our
future birthmom. Please pray more for her than me. The struggles I have
COMPARE NOTHING to what she is walking through. Pray protection over
her and the baby. Pray for a smooth pregnancy and delivery. Confidence
and Peace in her decision of adoption. Pray the Lord blesses her for her
strength and bravery. Pray that Josh and I are able to love her well,
point her to Christ, minister to her, champion her, encourage and
support her in all the ways that will be most helpful to her. Pray for
her salvation if she doesn't already know the Lord. Pray she would be
willing to have an open adoption.
-the
birthfather. Basically all the same things I listed above. We pray that
he will want to be apart of the child's life as well and for his
salvation.
-that
our adoption would happen before August. Come August we will face a
pretty big crossroads. Our homestudy will expire and we will lose our
$4,000 grant. We will be able to reapply for this grant but we may not
receive that same amount. We are desperately praying for a placement by
then so we do not lose this money and have to go back through all the
steps for our homestudy a third time.
-Pray
for the Cole family and the Fortenberry family. These are two other
families that are friends of ours and are currently adopting as well.
Pray placements for them before the end of the summer too!
-Pray for Aldridge family who fly out next week to bring their daughter home from the Congo.
-Pray for the May family who are pursuing adoption through Foster Care.
And I leave you with a song that I have been singing daily.
The Lord is wrecking me lately. Well, He actually
continually wrecks me on a daily basis, but lately it's been on the
subject of faithfulness. Through my quiet times and church sermons, not
to mention my entire life last year, he has/is showing me that no matter
how faithful or faithless we are, HE IS ALWAYS FAITHFUL. always. Job w a
s faithful. He's friends claimed he wasn't. Despite his friends
negativity and thwarting from Satan, Job was still faithful. God was
faithful to Job. The Israelites were n o t faithful. When enslaved by
the Egyptians, they turned to pagan gods and lived in misery instead of
being faithful to God. When they did finally cry out for help in Exodus
(before the Lord brought deliverance through Moses), they didn't even
cry out specifically to God (yet again, they ignored him). Yet, God was
faithful to them and sent deliverance. Sarah (Abraham's wife) was n o t
faithful. When the Lord promised a son, she took matters into her own
hands and had her servant lay with her husband. Yet, God was still
faithful to her and gave her a son several years later. The Lord doesn't
respond to our faithfulness or there lack of differently with each
passing situation. He always responds the same, faithfully. It's just
blowing my mind lately. Last year, there were many situations in my life
where those around me were choosing to be faithless, and I would find
myself doubting that God WOULD deliver (not that He could, I know He
could, I was just scared He wouldn't). They ignored God, much like the
Israelites, and yet, the Lord was faithful to them and brought restoration. I found myself
doubting that God could like Sarah doubted and yet, you guessed it, the
Lord was faithful to me and He did. Oh, we are so undeserving of his
faithfulness.
So what does all of this have to do with
what I want to share today? I want to be faithful. One of my
resolutions this year was to complete my one year bible reading plan. So
far, I'm three weeks in (I started a few days before the new year) and I
haven't missed a day, praise Jesus! Like most Christians, I struggle
with my sinful, human flesh and let other things through out my day take
the time I should devote to reading the word. I've been guilty of that
too many times in my life and I want this year to be the year that
becomes obsolete.
I'd love some accountability in this. A few women from my church will be doing this along with me, but I thought I'd extend the accountability to any of you reading. This
is the plan I'm using. Feel free to use your own (it doesn't have to be
a chronological one either). Maybe you are half way through doing this,
maybe you are like me and just got started, or maybe you haven't
started at all. Whoever you are, pray about joining me. If you have an
Instagram, I'll be using the hashtag #oneyearofbiblereading. I'd love
for you to let me know if you are joining in whether instagram or
through blogging. I'll try to update IG once a week (using the hashtag) with what the Lord
has taught me through my quiet times that week. And I'll be updating
this blog a few times a month as well. Every time I update on IG or on
the Blog, I'd love for those who are joining in to comment/write their
own post on IG and use the hashtag (and please tag me too so I will for
sure see it)/ or blogging about it and leaving a comment on my blog so I
can read. I'm hoping this creates a sense of accountability for us all.
I've tried reading through the bible in years past but didn't have the
discipline or accountability like I do now. And I want to help you be accountable too.
I'd love to scroll the hash tag on IG on any given day and read about what the Lord is showing some of you during your quiet times. What I may be learning through Genesis may be completely different from what the Lord is showing you and because of that, we can encourage each other and learn something we may have not of seen. Get what I'm saying? Or maybe it's that you read something and became confused or would like more insight, by using the hashtag or commenting or emailing me, we can discuss what is happening in that given passage (aka I'll be consulting my husband a lot and do, can't even tell you how wonderful it is to be married to a pastor/seminary graduate:)
I hope this is making sense and that you stuck around to read this this post in its entirety. I really believe that the Lord can use social media to advance the kingdom, reach the lost, and strength the body when used to glorify Him. I'd love to see my IG feed fill up with women sharing what the Lord has taught them through his word that week.
The thing is, all the days of this year are going to come and pass us by no matter what, why not start now and devote/discipline ourselves to fill those days with being faithful and reading God's word.
So, will you join me? comment here, spread the word on IG, Print this plan if you like (or buy a one year reading bible, or print your own different plan), and let's be faithful this year!
and don't forget to use #oneyearofbiblereading
and because this song is my jam right now (read: makes me cry like a baby & so incredibly filled with truth)
#oneyearofbiblereading
(if for some reason it's not showing where to comment below, try clicking on the title at the top, then scroll down to comment. sorry!)
